dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
