It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
