At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize