Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
