this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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