You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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