Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
