sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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