When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just want to make out with him forever
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
