So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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