Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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