it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
