i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize