last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
