just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I looked at my own cervix.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
