i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
