Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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