i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to calm my uterus...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
