I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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