This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
