Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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