God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
