What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
