sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
