I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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