I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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