I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
