She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
