a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
