We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
please come you make the beer taste better
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
