Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
