i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
