I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
