we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
