theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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