just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
