I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
