If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We're too hungover to prance.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
