i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
