Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
