You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
