There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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