I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
