Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize