great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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