Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
