My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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