if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
