Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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