Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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