pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
