Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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