If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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