hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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