Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
