Her vagina should come with caution tape.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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