Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
