Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize