i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
