You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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