I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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