He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
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