Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
