Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
