i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
