one word: firstdatebathroomanal
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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