He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
