It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
