I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so let's talk penis.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
