I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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